


Blood, Fangs, Bats, Loki?

by StefanLokison



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Amora is a bitch, Asgard is a more wholesome environment, Character Turned Into Vampire, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Deaf Clint Barton, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, I Don't Even Know, I'm not good at tags, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Loki is antisocial, Loki just wants to be left alone, Loki still isn't listened to, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Odin's B+ Parenting, Odin's mediocre parenting, Suspicious behaviour, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor is still arrogant, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, all sorts of wierdness, au where Loki isn't neglected but his heritage still causes an identity crisis, bat!Loki, don't be suspicious don't be suspicious, for real b+ tho no sarcasm, god dammit Amora, he/him and they/them pronouns, i can't type, no at all canon compliant incase it wasn't obivous, nonbinary!loki, the coronation disaster isn't Loki's fault this time, the warriors three and sif are ignorant but well meaning, the warriors three and sif still don't trust loki bc he's "weird", vampire!Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24203377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StefanLokison/pseuds/StefanLokison
Summary: So Loki used to be fascinated by humans and Midgard. At one point during the 1800's he took a little trip to England, and while he was walking around at night he met a vampire named Adam (yes OLLA reference). Anyway, Loki got himself turned, and has been a vampire for a hundred(ish) years prior to Thor's coronation. Because it's Loki, no one notices, and he drinks blood from a wine glass to throw people off. Thor is still suspicious though.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Loki, Bruce Banner & Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Loki, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Frigga | Freyja & Loki & Odin & Thor (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel), Loki & Natasha Romanov, Loki & Odin (Marvel), Loki & Steve Rogers, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue: Loki's (Mostly) Well Hidden Vampire-ism

Loki always enjoyed his secret little trips to Midgard. He'd been doing them since he turned 600, and they were a great way for him to get out of the house and away from Thor, Sif, the Warriors 3 and Odin. Some times he just needed his alone time, as everybody does. England, America, Norway and Germany are his favourite places to end up; and having Allspeak makes having fun really easy there. 

**1867:**

_**Loki is 903; the equivalent of 15 years old, and Thor and his friends physically** _**dragged** _**Loki out of the library by his ankles until he agreed to go on a hunting trip with them. He thought it was dumb and wanted to keep reading, but on the other hand he'd probably be horrendously dirty and end up on the adventure anyway if he said no; so he begrudgingly agreed. Bad idea. As soon as Thor saw the beast they were to slay, he struck it with so much lightning is fried itself and exploded, covering them in bilgesnipe innards. They all went to the nearest river to** _ **try** _**and get as much blood and guts off as they could, but they all smelled horrendous afterwards. As they made their way back to the palace Thor apologized profusely, but no one was having a good time anymore. Loki trudged back to his rooms for a bath- preferably with the strongest soap he had- while promising himself he wouldn't let Thor drag him on another hunting trip for a hundred years. He was lying to himself, of course; Thor never let him say no, but then again he liked being with Thor, so he couldn't really complain. Loki, having been covered in foul-smelling bilgesnipe residue for the past three hours before his bath had lost his appetite, and was just done with Thor. It was time for him to have some me-time and a little adventure of his own. Taking care not to let Heimdall know where he was going, only that he'd be away for a day or two, Loki searched for his gateway to Midgard. He stepped through, smiling to himself. No-one ever questioned his disappearances; for he'd often sit in his rooms writing, drawing, practising his magic or whatever he fancied. It was impossible to force him to leave- Thor'd tried once, only to be zapped by Loki's magic ward- until he wanted to join the rest of the world. So for him to straight up leave the realm for a night or two wasn't a big deal. Slipping through the branches of Yggdrasil he walked out into an alley in London, England. He finally had time to himself, time to spare, and nowhere to be except wherever he wanted. Wandering around for a bit, he decided there's nothing interesting that night, until he wandered down an alley between two houses. It was a dead end, and when Loki turned around to leave; there was someone standing there. Which was weird, because he wasn't there before or Loki would've seen him. The man had long black hair, and looked like if Loki were older and Midgardian. Loki tried to shuffle against the wall to get around him, but the man lunged and sunk his teeth into Loki's neck. Howling in pain, Loki tried desperately to push the strange man off; but to no avail. The man straightened, apparently having had his fill. Then he stopped, blinking, tilting his head.**_

_**"How are you still alive? Most people die long before this. Who are you?"** _

_**"I am Loki of Asgard, and you have just bit a prince of Asgard and Odinson. What in Bor's name were you just doing? What is your name, mortal?"** _

_**"Adam, and I am hardly mortal, your apparent highness. I'm a vampire. You are looking awfully pale. Maybe I took too much from you, it'll take a while to regenerate. In exchange for the blood you lost, I can give you my own. It will turn you into a vampire though. Would that be a problem?"** _

_**"A vampire? Like a draugr? I do feel faint, that is probably a good idea. Okay, I guess."  
** _

_**"Here, drink." Biting into his wrist, drawing two small dots of blood, Adam put it to Loki's mouth. Loki gave him an incredulous look, before sucking the blood from Adam's arm. Slowly, his colour, what little he had anyway, returned. "I know this may seem weird, but you're going to need to collect blood somehow. The kind doesn't matter, unless it's toxic. Sheep, goat, cow, human, or whatever your people are called will do. If you forego blood for more than two weeks continuously, you'll start to crave it and that isn't good. Just try to drink at least once or twice a week. I don't know how you'll get it, but find a way. By the way, you'll be completely immortal unless killed with a wooden stake. Garlic and sunlight aren't good for you, either. They won't seriously harm you, but it'll be like an allergic reaction. As in, hives and nausea. I apologise for this, but I didn't know who you were. Seriously, I am very sorry."** _

_**"It is alright. I' will find a way to deal with it." They parted, Loki going back to Asgard; having had enough for one trip. He needed to let that load of new information sink in. It would be a long night for the trickster. That comment about sunlight shouldn't affect him too much, though; having an inclination to stay inside and wear clothes that covered nearly all of him. He just hoped no one would notice.**_

**1897:**

_**Loki is now 933, the equivalent of 15 in Earth years. Somehow, in thirty-three years nobody noticed the new little quirks that popped up after Loki came home from his little stint of alone time in Midgard. He was there for two Asgardian days, and came home just slightly different. No one noticed however, because Loki always came back just the smallest bit different than before. These new quirks, though, were a bit more... sinister in nature. After about a week of wheedling the kitchen staff into giving him bags of blood cleaned from butchered animals, claiming it was for 'magical purposes', when Frigga or Thor went into Loki's room to speak with him; he appeared to be drinking some odd red substance that looked like some kind of midgardian alcohol called 'wine' out of a goblet as he sat at his desk. At night, when he should ostensibly been asleep, he had the most energy and could sometimes be spotted walking in the gardens, around the halls or in the town. He was just slightly paler, and ate more meat, and less cooked, but still with the same clean manners as always. Loki also noticed his teeth were a little longer, and figured out how to turn into a flying marsupial called a bat by the mortals, and would often take afternoon naps on the ceiling. Seeing as he didn't train as often during the day as others, or go outside super often either, him shifting his knife training and exploring to the dead of night wasn't a hard shift to adjust to. The one Thor noticed though, was Loki zoning out after catching sight of a neck, and fixating on the jugular vein. He zoned out often before when he was bored or thinking, but it was specifically after distantly sighting blood vessels in people or animals. Once, Thor had made himself stay awake long enough to sneak out of his room, spotting Loki walking on the ceiling, with no light anywhere. He was just wandering, having stuck his feet to the ceiling with magic. But unlike when others turned themselves upside-down, Thor could see no blood rushing to Loki's head. In fact, the last time Loki had gotten a cut, from a battle with a giant spider in Vanaheim, there was no blood to clean up, even though the skin was cut open, leaving a four centimetre wide slice into Loki's forearm. Thor brought it up with Loki, but Loki said nothing was wrong. He brought it up with Frigga, who said it could just be a quirk of Loki learning to manipulate his own biology with magic, like when he learned to shape-shift. Once, Thor went into Loki's room to get him to go hunting with him, to not find Loki, and looking up- since he knew Loki enjoyed sitting in rafters- he only saw some weird furry flying animal with large ears. No matter how much he pressed Loki wouldn't answer his queries. He asked to try Loki's drink once, but Loki vehemently told him 'No' , saying something about it being something personal, and if Thor wanted Midgardian alcohol, he should just go to Midgard. As much as Thor tried to figure out what was going on, Loki was evading his questions and dodging answers and nearly all social interaction outside of the council meetings he had to take part in. Loki seemed to get further in council before, but Thor could easily chalk that up to Loki becoming more skilled than before in rhetoric, while Thor spoke in hammer blows. Apparently Loki was a very good politician, with Odin planning on sending him to other realms as part of a delegation for new trade deals. While his father said it was for Loki to learn more about other realms, Loki was also going to use it to collect a new blood supply and stretch his wings a bit out of the palace, as well as avoiding Thor's constant questions about his health. In other words, Loki was just trying to live with his new condition and Thor was suspicious, but tried not to pry too much. Odin was just trying to do his thing, while having to deal with council members and Thor's intermittent dumb ideas. Life was fairly normal, as far as Loki could tell. His endeavours where going good, and his new invulnerability was pretty handy, when added to his already hardy constitution, allowing him to get the team out of some tough jams. It was pretty good for him all things considered.**_


	2. Responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sif is a bitch, just going to let you know. As much as I like her actor, the character is a huge bitch who hates Loki for no apparent reason. Amora is scheming, trying to make Thor notice her. Sif is trying to get Thor's attention. Thor is a good brother, and the Warriors Three are chill with Loki's magic hobbies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Amora, I don't know much about her other than that she wants to get into Thor's pants. As far as I know she's not in the myths, and I haven't read many of the comics or seen a whole lot of the cartoons, so yeah. Apparently she's just one of the worst. Setup to Avenger Loki? we'll see. Hopefully, Loki isn't too ooc with his disdain for her.

**2011:**

"Alright, council dismissed for today. Good day everyone." Odin says. The few seconds following are full of the sound of scraping chairs on stone as the council members set to leave. Soon, the only ones left are Loki and his father.

"Father, may I speak to you?"

"What is it, Loki? I have places to be."

"It's about Thor."

"Oh? What about Thor?"

"Are you really sure he's ready to be king, father? He does not seem ready. After all, he foregoes any monarchical or political training in favour of camping trips with his friends. He also knows or cares nothing for how the council runs, he isn't even here most of the time. I love my brother and would assist him on the throne, but perhaps we should wait?"

"Is this because you want the throne Loki? Thor is of age now, he must be crowned before my next sleep. I have been putting it off too long, now."

"No, sir. I do not desire the throne, I merely feel as though Thor requires more preparation. As of right now, he is incredibly arrogant and quick to anger. Neither quality produces a just or promising leader."

"Loki, I do not have time for this. Just go attend to your other duties. With luck, you'll be able to guide Thor through becoming king, he'll listen I am sure. I must leave now."

"Alright, father. Thank you." Loki left, feeling a bit downtrodden. He understood his father's life was a busy one, but to dismiss his concerns like that didn't happen often, especially when they concerned his brother. _Perhaps he thought I was making a bid for the throne._ Loki thought as he loped back to his chambers. Once there, Loki pulled out a book. As he sat down to read, he realised he was thirsty, and not the water kind. Loki opened his spacial pocket, where he normally kept his blood bags; to find nothing. _Did I put some in my desk?_ Nope, nothing. Not even his hidden compartments. _Please, oh please let me have left one in my night table or under the bed._ Nothing, not a single one. _Maybe I accidentally mixed one with my spell casting blood?_ Again, nope. He was clean out of blood. For anything, let alone magic. He couldn't leave the realm, Thor's coronation was a week away and the time disparities between realms was too big to leave and come back with enough time or blood to spare. He couldn't very well ask the kitchen staff for more blood, they were all too busy. After spending hours deliberating with himself, long enough for the sun to have set; Loki finally got an answer. He went out to his balcony and turned himself into a bat. Then, he flew off into the forest where he spent the night filling water skins and bottles with various bloods, ranging from deer to boar to even a bilgesnipe and a few stray sheep. By the time the sun rose, Loki had drank enough blood to last himself two full weeks and enough packed blood for three full months after that. When he realised what time it was, he quickly teleported back to his chambers and stowed some emergency blood in his desk and cabinets and night-table, hoping to have a few minutes to relax and read; when a knock came at the door. With an exasperated sigh, Loki stood and made his way to the door, opening it to see Amora the enchantress- or as Loki liked to call her, Amora the a-whore-a, standing there. "Ugh, Amora, what do you want? It's barely time for breakfast. And what are you doing here, anyway?"

"Oh, I just came to see how you and Thor are doing. I heard his coronation is next week, and I wanted to see him." 

"Well, you came to the wrong person's rooms. I have not seen Thor in three weeks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to read and write that must be done. Treatises with Alfheim and all that. You understand, I'm sure. Good day, Amora." So the treatises part was a blatant lie. At least Amora wasn't good at spotting those. 

"Alright, goodbye Loki." Just as she turned to wander back the way she came, Loki called back to her.

"Thor's rooms are down the hall and to the right, you know."

"Thank you, my prince."

"Whatever." He muttered as he shut his door. "She was always an odd one. I hope Thor never becomes attached to her." Turning back to his room, he picked up the book from before and stretched out on his couch next to the hearth. Loki had gotten through four chapters before a servant knocked, reminding him to come to breakfast. He just sighed, and checked his hair a couple of times before teleporting to the dining hall. He got a dirty glare from Sif as he sat down; she'd hated him for doing magic, saying it wasn't honourable, when Loki mainly used it for fun. He suspected she was just jealous because he got more attention from Odin and Thor because of his being family. Lately, it seemed like she and Amora were fighting over Thor. Thor was, as always oblivious to it. Or maybe her hate came from the fact that, like her, Loki wasn't an orthodox Asgardian and Sif would rather be the only one because it would make more special somehow. Or maybe, it was because Odin listened to him more than her because he was a tactician and counsel member as opposed to a warrior like her, and preferred to carry knives for self defence rather than going to battle. Whatever it was, Loki stopped thinking about it; after all, it wouldn't make her stop, and Sif was particularly stubborn. It was unfounded hatred anyway, so he couldn't afford to overthink it. Loki was about to finish eating when Thor walked in, much to his friends' enjoyment. 

"Hey Thor, how are you doing? Are you ready for your coronation?" Volstagg asked as Thor sat down next to Loki, clapping his little brother on the shoulder as he did so. Thor nodded, a wide grin on his face.

"Of course, Volstagg! It shall be glorious!" He said as his smile grew. He looked at Loki grinning from ear to ear. "Loki shall be my most trusted advisor!" Loki looked at him with thin-veiled surprise.

"Yes, and the first one to keep you from declaring war for small things, brother. Be careful, you may split your face in half if you smile any wider." Loki retorted, smirking at the elder, which caused Fandral and Volstagg to laugh. Hogun, ever the stone-faced one, quirked an eyebrow in amusement. Sif just scowled, for literally no reason other than Loki making a simple jest. _'O_ _h well'_ , Loki supposed, _'She's never liked me. Let her hate, I have more important things in life than her.'_ "Oh, brother?"

"Yes, Loki?"

"Don't try asking me to join you all today, alright?"

"Okay, why? Are you avoiding people again today?" 

"Actually, I am not, brother mine. I merely have a larger amount of work today than usual. Papers to write, and a counsel meeting this afternoon that is longer than normal. I will most likely miss supper. Have fun doing whatever it is you all do today. I will see you all tomorrow." Loki said, before standing up and patting Thor on the shoulder as he swiftly left the hall. Thor then turned to his friends looking a bit confused. 

"Have you all noticed anything weird about Loki in recent years?"

"No, not really. What are you on about Thor?" Fandral asked.

"Beyond how odd and out of place he always was, no." Sif grumbled, feeling grumpy that the first topic they'd moved to was Loki of all people.

"Sif, we all know you hate Loki. Give it a rest, really." Fandral sighed. "What is your problem with him anyway, it is not as if he has done anything to you personally. Other than when he dyed all our hair in odd colours for a day with his magic."

"He has no honour, Fandral. Magic is the lowest form of combat, and Loki does not even use a proper weapon. He has knives, because he does not care for fighting. It is uncouth for a noble, let alone a prince; to not know how to fight, as opposed to spending all day in the library." Sif griped. The warriors three shook their heads while Thor scowled.

"It is unbecoming of you Sif, for a lady of your standing to still hold a grudge over a harmless prank. As for Loki, it is his responsibility to sit in the library as much as he does. He also has to write a lot and attend council meetings for much of the day. When would he get the time to train? Not only that, but Loki will never be on the front lines unless it is paramount that he is. He would be the one at the my father's side doing the negotiations and war declarations before and after. And that is leaving out the fact that he is an indispensable tactician; it is literally his job not to go into battle. My brother knows perfectly well how to defend himself as well. While knives are unorthodox, they are widely versatile and can be hidden; making them good forms of unexpected and portable self-defence. I would think you of all people would appreciate the unorthodox." Thor said to her. Sif was his friend, but he could not have her slandering his only sibling. She could spread lies that would ruin Loki's public image, even though he had not actually done anything. He suspected she might, too.

"I agree with Thor here Sif. While I would not use magic as a primary weapon in battle, it certainly makes for an intimidating and unsuspected augment to a fighting style. What with Loki's knives, by adding magic, it could make throwing his knives virtually unstoppable. As for defence, while it would feel like cheating to me to guard yourself with an impenetrable magic shield, for some it would be fair game due to them using their resources at hand. As far as I can see, even though I do not know magic, nor would I care to learn; it could be a perfectly fair and smart tactic to use, and for those that have it it could be quite an asset in a fight. The healers use magic, even the All-Mother does. Just because Loki is a man would not make it a less valid strategy. I come from a realm where the majority of people learn magic at some point in their life, even just for the sheer convenience it would add. Might I add that Loki's knowledge of magic makes him the perfect interrogator or investigator in political settings, or are you quite done?" Hogun rejoined. The others gaped at him in shock. Not for anything he said though.

"Odin's beard! I do believe that is the most words I have ever heard Hogun speak! We must celebrate Hogun using his words for once! To the tavern!" Thor exclaimed between surprised laughing. At which point Fandral and Volstagg burst out laughing. Sif merely sat there stunned. The guys all got up and surrounded Hogun, playfully punching his shoulders and shaking him around before wandering off to the tavern, leaving Sif by herself to hate Loki's mere existence all on her own. 

**Meanwhile, In Loki's Room:**

Loki sat at his desk, reading a history book on the relationship between Asgard and Vanaheim. On his desk, sat book on midgardian philosophy. Of course, his father had forbidden any large scale travel to Midgard in recent history; but Loki had ways around it. Loki had told Odin at one point, when he had been asked- and scolded for- why he went to Midgard.

'I require time spent alone, and I have a desire to learn of Midgard's views on life and death and all surrounding them. T'is a good learning opportunity, Father; and I am of the belief that it will make me a better politician to see with the view of the citizens. Father, I do not bring another along; and I do not attempt to put attention upon myself. If this does never change, may I continue? I have never told Thor of my doings, he has never known, for if he did he would demand I bring him along and he would ruin your statute. Please, father? I would continue to go about in secret of my true nature as an Asgardian.' He had asked- nay, begged his father to be able to continue his dalliance to feed his need for solitude. On one such excursion, he had spoken to Sigmund Freud, and on another he had hung about with Friedrich Nietzsche, learning of their view and thoughts. When he came home, he had brought with him two new books, the first printed copies of their respective books. As well, he had kept the books in his desk so as not to alert suspicion of where he went when he'd disappear for days at a time. 

As Loki read his history in preparation for the meeting, he heard a knock at his door. "Again? I have to finish reading this." He grumbled, at the same time calling out. "Who is knocking?" 

"My son, may I not greet you?" He recognised the voice, and it belonged to one of few he truly loved.

"Ah, Mother! Please, enter." His door opened and Frigga walked in. Loki stood up and embraced her. "Hello Mother. how are you?"

"I am well, Loki. How are you?"

"I am well. What brings you to me, mother?" 

"I merely wished to see you. You have been in council every day, and otherwise in the library, here in your chambers, in the healing halls, or in the library. I have not seen you except for at meals."

"Oh, my apologies mother. I assure you I did not forget you or try to avoid you."

"I know, Loki. It is fine, although-" Frigga trailed off, confusing Loki greatly.

"Although, what? Is something the matter?" 

"It is nothing, I was just thinking about Thor's coronation coming up soon. He seems really excited about it; but I do not think he is quite ready yet. I am sure you are happy for your brother as well. Your father did tell me though, that you told him that you did not think Thor was ready. He saw it as well, however, he feels he must go through with it. You know he has put off his sleep for centuries now, it really cannot wait any longer. He will have you, Sif, the Warriors Three and the council to guide him into becoming king; there may be hope for him yet."

"Yes, I am. I see the importance in crowing Thor now, however I maintain the belief that he should have had at _least_ been made to take lessons regarding ruling. I can't be the one making his decisions with him merely decreeing it. I would have too much influence, Thor would never learn, and there would be others who would think me to be plotting against him or using him as a puppet. I would never do that, but I fear I might have to be the one 'calling the shots' so to speak if he does not change. And you know Thor, change does not come naturally to him, worse is that he is so quick to take offence and that may start many a war in the wrong circumstance."

"That is true. Let us hope he grows up. And soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the nickname is entirely mine, I thought it was funny. Amora the a-whore-a, it's who she is.


	3. Thor's Botched Coronation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we come to the coronation. same plot, except it's Amora's fault. Sif is also partially to blame, for reasons that will become apparent later.

Loki stood in the antechamber to the huge hall before Thor's coronation. Just standing there, holding his helmet and reminiscing. He stared at the gold, reflecting his image back at him in the warm light. The horns, symbols of his prowess with magic that made his already long and lanky stature accentuated, making him look an entire foot taller. Looking at it, Loki knew that for all his skills in court and with his seidr, enabling him to impress nobles from other realms and get into their good graces, which made deals far easier; there was still a long way to go in terms of having Asgard's troops become accustomed to the possible use of seidr on the battlefield as a viable strategy. There were so many traditionalists in the army, most of whom didn't have an open mind. Sure, General Tyr was willing to give it a shot, if Loki could find a way to prove that it could be an asset in certain scenarios. Unfortunately, there weren't enough seidmadr or seidrmenn in Asgard who were willing to talk to soldiers. Weird enough, Sif- who Loki would think would accept the unorthodox, being the only female warrior Asgard had since the loss of the Valkyries- hated him and seidr as a whole, and vehemently spoke against mages in the army when asked. He just couldn't figure out what her problem was; he'd never done anything to her personally, his pranks on Thor's friends included all four of them, and he made sure to never say anything sexist or misogynist ever. Hel, the only thing he could think of as to a reason she could hate him would be the fact that Thor paid him more attention than her. It wasn't even his fault he was Thor's brother, even though they couldn't look more different. A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his pondering, making him jump. He lifted his head to look into his brother's electric blue eyes.

"I think this would be the first time I've ever sneaked up on you, brother." He chuckled. "What's got you in such a spot, hmm?"

"Just thinking, brother. About things that are not relevant right now." Loki put on his two-pieced helmet. Having a hand in designing his own ceremonial garb was a good idea, his idea of using a lighter metal for the interior of the horns made it way easier to wear. Changing the subject, he asked; "Nervous, brother?"

"Nervous? Have you ever known me to be nervous, brother?"

"Well, there was that time in Nornheim-"

"That wasn't nerves brother, that was the heat of battle."

"Really? If I remember correctly, it was I who veiled us in smoke to aid our escape." The brothers laughed. "Hogun and I nearly had to drag you away from the battle."

"Yeah. Some do battle, others just do tricks."

"Yes, and some of those who 'just do tricks' have saved your sorry hide multiple times and is an important member of counsel."

"True, true. I was not trying to mock you brother, but why don't you pick up a sword from time to time?"

"Because I don't need to, and I also do not have time. If worse comes to worst, I have knives and the guards are nearby. Not to mention I keep a spear in my room that I can summon at a moments notice."

"Fair enough." Thor agreed, putting on his own helmet.

"Ehehe. Nice feathers."

"You don't really want to start this again, do you-cow?"

"I was being sincere!"

"You are incapable of sincerity!"

"Just because I am not overt with my emotions and use words to fix my problems does not mean I cannot speak from the heart, Thor." Loki rebutted with a smile.

"I know, brother. T'was merely a jest." Patting his brother on the back of his shoulder, Thor looked back at the door. After a few seconds, Loki broke the silence.

"You know, I've waited for this day as long as you have. You are my brother and I love you. I'll be there for you, and help you become a great king."

"I know, I'm going to have to rely on you to make the important decisions."

"Just don't rely on me too much, okay?" Loki said, nudging Thor in the shoulder.

"Alright." Another pause. Frigga walked over, Loki taking her arm.

"You go on ahead, I need a few moments." Frigga looked at Loki inquisitively, who just shrugged. He had no idea what Thor had in mind. They turned towards the door as it opened and strode out into the isle. Taking their places on the steps of the dais, Loki between his mother and Sif, who he swore was glaring at him; and opposite Fandral, who gave him a cheeky smirk as he glanced at Loki's helmet, to which Loki smirked back. He looked up at Odin, who was staring straight ahead. Just then, the doors he'd come through opened and Thor strode out, hyping up the crowd, tossing Mjolnir and grinning like a child in a sweet shop. Loki gave a Odin a look that said 'See what I meant? This is why he's not ready.', to which Odin gave him a glare that said 'Shut up, not the time'. Frigga rolled her eyes, and Loki heard Sif mutter an exasperated "Please". Sighing internally, he looked back at Thor who was knelt at the base of the steps. Thor had taken of his helmet and took the opportunity to smile at his friends. Slowly, Odin stood and banged Gungnir on the floor. The crowd went silent instantly.

"Thor. Odinson. My heir, my first born." He began. "So long entrusted with the mighty hammer Mjolnir, forged in the heart of a dying star. Its power has no equal. It is a weapon to destroy, or as a tool to build. It is a fit companion for a king. I have defended Asgard, and the lives of the innocent across the nine realms, from the time of the Great Beginning. The day has come forth. Do you swear to guard the nine realms?"

"I swear." Thor answered.

"And do you swear, to preserve the peace?"

"I swear."

"Do you swear, to cast aside all selfish ambition; and to pledge yourself only, to the good of the realm?"

"I swear!" Thor said, raising the hammer aloft.

"Then on this day, I Odin All-father, proclaim you..." Odin trailed off, glancing up and around the room. Thor looked at him weirdly, what was going on? That was when Loki noticed it. An odd chill in the air, and clearly Odin was seeing something not in the hall. "Frost giants." He said. Loki was shocked. Today? During Thor's coronation, Frost Giants in Asgard? What was happening? Odin hit the floor with Gungnir again. The coronation was off, and Thor hadn't been crowned. Loki and Thor followed Odin to the vault as everyone left the space to go home, or back to their posts. As the three of them walked in, the destroyer, the vault guardian walked back into it's holding space which closed up behind it. On their way up to the casket, they all noticed the bodies of the two guards, frozen solid; and the bits and pieces of three eviscerated frost jotun that broke into the vault. Odin stood in front of the casket, Thor behind him on his right and Loki behind him on his left; who was looking at his father apprehensively. Thor was staring at the body parts with a fire in his eyes. Loki was just confused.

"The jotuns must pay for what they've done!" Thor said angrily.

"They have, with their lives." Thor turned to look at Loki, who just looked back with a quizzical expression. "The destroyer did its work, the casket it safe and all is well."

"All is well?" Thor asked incredulously. "They broke into the weapons vault. If the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics-"

"They didn't."

"Well I want to know why!" Loki looked back and forth at the two of them, Thor shouting like a bratty child and Odin seemingly not caring. The only thing the younger prince could think, was _'_ _Seriously Father? You wanted this idiot to be king?'_

"I have a truce with Laufey, king of the jotun."

"They just broke your truce!" 

"What action would you take?" Odin asked softly.

"I'd march into Jotunheim as you once did. Teach them a lesson. Break their spirit so they'll never dare try to cross our borders again."

"You're thinking only as a warrior." _'Yes! Finally he sees what I see!'_

"This was an act of war!"

"It was the act of but a few, doomed to fail."

"Look how far they got!" _'Aaand, now they bickering like idiots. That's just great. Awesome.'_

"We will find the breach in our defences, and it will be sealed."

"As king of Asgard-"

"But you're not, king! Not yet." _'Why are those two incapable of anything but shouting at each other? See, this is why I had reservations Father. All he does is yell and take offence. His pride is too easily wounded- and oh look, now he's pouting like a child.'_ Odin left, patting Thor on the shoulder. Thor followed him, still deeply annoyed and fairly angry about the whole situation. Loki stood there for a little bit, wondering what had happened, before turning around and catching up to them. 

**_[Spongebob narrator voice] two hours earlier_**

Sif knocked on the door to Amora's quarters. After a few seconds, it slowly opened. Sif walked in as confidently as she could. Hating magic had taught her to be cautious around the enchantress, but she didn't let it show. 

"What did you need, Lady Sif?" Amora asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"I need you to dispose of Loki. He knows I hate him, and they all trust him too much. He is the God of Lies, for Odin's sake!"

"True, what's in it for me?" 

"Well for one, if this goes right, Loki will be out of your way and he won't be there to keep you from Thor. You might have more influence. Loki might get humiliated or something. That would be entertaining." 

"What if we screw up Thor's coronation and blame Loki? That should work. I can let the jotun into Asgard, and because Loki is well, God of Lies and Mischief, no one will believe him."

"Hmmm. You know what? You are the only sorcerer or sorceress I actually respect somewhat."

"Good to know." The two of them shook hands and began their little plot.


End file.
